The thought of being in a bathing suit right now only depresses me more. I mean, I am having a fairly hard time with the unemployment.. and then I realize that I have gained 20 pounds since last summer, and I only get more depressed. I know that it is my fault. I stopped exercising, I started drinking more, I have eaten like shit. But I look at myself in the mirror and want to chop my love handles off with a butcher knife.
Ok, that's grotesque. And I would never. But, I really do not like what I see in the mirror, even if everyone else looks at me and thinks that I'm fine. I want to lose that 20 pounds and feel healthy again.
This means.. DIET and EXERCISE! WOO! I am going to WalMart tomorrow to pick up fruits, veggies and chicken breasts. I'm planning on baking banana bread, using whole wheat flour. I am going to get Special K products, because they are not only delicious, but filling. You know, they have that Special K Challenge, where you can send in all your barcode things and get prizes and free Special K products. I mean, a bowl of Red Berries and a banana is freaking delicious.
I have also enrolled in an online diet tracker. It calculates the calories, carbs, proteins, fats, etc. of everything you eat. I figured it would help because it would hold me to my plan. I have a hard time keeping to diets for a couple of reasons:
- Groceries are asininely expensive.
- Steve won't keep to them, and since I shop for both of us, it's hard not to eat what he eats.
- I get really tired of eating the same things everyday.
- I work in a restaurant... with really good food... that uses lots of oils and butters.
- We also serve delicious fresh baked bread there. I am a bread fiend.
I am going to start walking every day too. I mean, I have a dog. And he needs to be walked more. I know that. So instead of sitting on my ass on the computer, I am going to start taking 30-60 minute walks. I have the freaking time. I am also going to play my Wii again. I have stopped, mostly because it's hard to play with Steve in the room. He mocks me and makes fun of the things that the Wii has you do. But it works! And it's motivational. Last but not least, I am going to try to do yoga or take a pilates class. My joints have been really bothering me lately and I'm hoping that that will help. I know it will change my flexibility, for sure.
I want to stick to this. I want to look in the mirror and love what I see. My face is one thing, but my body is another. Clothes fit you differently.. I have jeans that should fit, but don't.. because I bought them 6 months ago. I want to change my lifestyle. I am miserable enough that I hope, really really hope, that I can stick to this. I want to change. I need to change. Most of all, I am READY to change.
Stick with me. It's going to be a long road.
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