Green Beans and Chicken Pastry

And so begins another empty day watching REALLY bad horror flicks on the movie channels. I actually have to work at 3:30, and I am writing this really quickly before getting up to do my make-up (It's already 2:30.. day flies by when you are doing nothing!). My theory is that Steve will most likely be on the cumputer all night long, and I won't be able to touch it, and/or to type in peace. And my day is not likely to get much more exciting than what it has already been. Although, Nip/Tuck is on tonight, and getting raunchier and more soap opera-esque by the episode.

My puppy, Sampson, was whining all morning long and I had a really hard time sleeping. I took him outside, I fed him... I could not figure out what his major malfunction was. He lost his first puppy tooth yesterday (Steve stepped on it barefoot... that was humorous), and I think it's probably his teeth. Do puppies teeth the way babies do?

Steve and I drove to the bank earlier... I am currently freaking out about our money situation. Our $500 rent is due, and our phone bill is PAST DUE. I just paid half of it, but when it's $300 some dollars, it's hard to put it all out there. By the end of this week, my bank account will be empty and I won't even have bought anything worth while... Like groceries! Thankfully, Steve and I have a fairly good stash of homemade frozen foods, i.e. chili, vegetable soup, meatballs, chicken pastry... As well as a fairly good dry goods collection, and some canned vegetables (green beans mainly... Steve's favorite).

It's literally killing me slowly that I can not have a fresh apple everyday. Well, any type of fruit really. It has just gotten so expensive to buy it once a week. I've been stashing up on natural applesauce. I theorize that it is similar enough, and nutritional, so it's like cheating the system. I also don't like not being able to buy yogurt. That's another thing that I live on. I need to go when there is a buy 5 for a $1 sale.

I applied for like 18 jobs last night through several websites. Needless to say, I have heard nothing back... Verrry promising. I also keep stalking the paper, Careerbuilder.com and Monster.com, but the jobs stay the same. And I have applied for several more than once.. Eventually someone from HR is going to call me and either tell me to drop it, or that I got an interview. Hey, I am slightly optimistic about this whole thing. If I'm not, I think I would go crazier than I already feel.

I would love to be on Xanax right now. I already have anxiety problems... I mean, I couldn't get through an exam without crying/screaming/yelling at someone. But then you add the stress of MONEY? Sometimes I am surprised Steve and I have survived all of this. He doesn't have money, and neither do I. Maybe that's why we survive... how can you belittle someone for not having money when you don't have any either?

I just don't know where my breaking point is going to be. How long will Steve go without finding a real job? How long can I go? When will I break down and call my mom to find me a job in Delaware? Because she has so many connections that she could, easily. At point am I going to say that I can't take this any longer? Living off of canned green beans and peanut butter. It's not exactly how I pictured things when I graduated in December.

Everyone has a breaking point. It's just a matter of time.

"Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful lif is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever..."